a tisket a tasket, a candle filled basket

at work we've been having events all of last week & this week, an employee giving campaign to benefit some local charities. we've had a walk-a-thon, candy gram sales, loose change donation, clothing drive, smoothie bar, & the most recent one was a silent auction, named k-bay. no, i have no idea what the "k" stands for, but my guess is that i really should know.

the items were donated by individuals in the company, or businesses in the area, we then had a link on our intranet site so that we could go & bid on the items. the bidding ended yesterday & ta-da, i won my bid on this candle basket! i'm uber happy, it has a big ceramic jar candle, three filled square glass candles, a lantern, & 9 dozen party lite tealight candles! & i got it for the bargain price of $53, which was a decent amount under the value of all the items combined. & yeah, a bit extravagant, but i /heart candles, as you all know, often prompting my father to yell "watch those goddamn candles or one day we're all gonna wake up part of the ashes." & besides, the lantern candle is simply adorable & it'll look really nice at my wedding reception on one of the tables. & then later in my house just because it's that uber cool looking. each of the nine dozen tealights are also a different scent, so the aroma is heavenly here at my desk right now.

mmmmm....makes me want to go home, burn some cedar & meditate. you know what? i really think that's what i'm missing right now. some bonefide beckah time, spent meditating, relaxing, taking care of my mind & my body. burning cedar incense is very cleansing for me, very much a spiritual experience. i think it goes back to memories of a time before my birth. i very much believe in reincarnation, that you carry the souls of your ancestors with you, in a collective memory. i'm also very much starting to believe that time is more circular than linear.

all this talk of candles, incense, & fire takes me back to labor day weekend. it was the weekend of the burn. for those of you who don't know what i'm talking about, it's burning man, check it out, wickedly cool. & i was bummed. i didn't get to the burn last year due to money, i had even bought my tickets & everything. then this year finances were bad enough i didn't even contemplate the burn at all. but saturday september 2nd, i sat out by the fire pit in my back yard, made a fire, got drunk, looked at the stars, the fire, breathed in the smoke. & thought, a lot. about life, the universe, & everything. the meaning, or lack there of. & came to a conclusion.

weight loss, & in a way, life in general, is a lot like a burning fire. at some points the fire goes out, or so you think, there's ash there, black & smoky as if it's all done, but if you stir it up just right, embers splash out of that darkness, the fire roars again, & suddenly there's light once again where before it was just pitch. the main thing is to keep in mind that even though you can't see the flames, that doesn't mean that they aren't there, lingering beneath the residue of events past just waiting to be stoked & freed to once again fuel a new blaze.