hey all. my uncle joe passed away sunday morning. i'll be honest, with all the other stuff going on in my life i don't know how to feel. i haven't cried at all & i don't know if i will. i was not particularly close to him. my dad was close to him & my brother knew him better than i did. however. i'm sad/upset on behalf of my dad & my uncle john. but, i'm relieved for joe. from what i read on his caring bridge site his last days were not quality days. & for someone who was a very active & vibrant person that's pretty much hell on earth. so i'm strangely happy that he is no longer suffering.
last week when i was told that things were pretty bleak & it was near the end i had briefly considered driving to st. paul & going to visit him with my dad. but then i thought about it. & the strongest memories i have of my grandpa are the ones in the last moments of his life as he lay in the hospital bed not even remembering my grandmother anymore. i'll get into it another time, but they really did have a beautiful love story & she was his whole world. & in the end he looked at her with unknowing eyes. & that memory pushes out others when i try to think of him. it takes more effort to remember him smoking his pipe & playing solitaire. or sitting in his chair watching football on thanksgiving. or all those other little things that are now fuzzy for me.
i decided that i'd keep that last good memory of my uncle joe. when we all went out for dinner this past summer out on west 7th. & my mom borrowed my pink floyd zip up hoodie because she was cold. & i sat next to my aunt sharon wishing that she & my uncle john lived closer. & watching how happy my dad was to be with his oldest friends. & seeing something in him that i rarely see, a pure joy & genuine smile in his eyes. & joe's booming laugh & handle bar mustache. & the conversation that rolled around cars & engines & so many things that didn't interest me, but i was glad to be there. THAT is my last memory of my uncle. & that is what i'll forever keep with me. my dad & his brothers. having dinner on a random summer weeknight on west 7th. old friends. old stomping grounds. & love. that's what was there.
today is the wake with the funeral tomorrow. it looks like the sun may actually appear today for the first time this week. maybe that's fitting that we see the sun today. i hope it's out tomorrow for the internment.
