staying home

i'm lonely. frustratingly lonely. staying home really bites. my life is in this horrible limbo right now that consists of bad day time tv, crippling nausea, & dehydration. i spent this past weekend at my parents' house just because it was a change of pace. i know that everyone else still has to work & keep going with their lives. i'm not so horribly vain to think that the world really DOES revolve around me. but it's hard to keep emailing, calling, IM-ing, & texting with no response. i'm starting to feel like maybe i should just tuck into my apartment & wait out the last week & a half of my medical leave.

i've contemplated trying to go back earlier, but i'm still incredibly weak. it's actually quite amazing how weak i am right now. & since i went to the doctor & extended my leave i need to relax & rest & do my best to feel better. i can't head back to work early just because i'm bored & lonely.

honest, i'm really trying hard not to bitch about about how i'm feeling because, like i keep reminding myself, i chose to do this. but it is hard. just drinking water is difficult. & i'm now a vegetarian, not by choice, my body just can't handle digesting meat yet. i tried chicken on monday & it was just ugly. i am such a carnivore it's seriously disturbing that i can't eat meat. *sighs* i know, it'll be worth it in the end. but today, lately even, has just been damn tough.