i'll say it straight and plain, i know i've made mistakes, i've always been afraid, i've always been afraid . . . can you tell me, you say that love goes anywhere, in your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
~jimmy eat world, polaris, futures
so, if you look up the whole set of lyrics, this is a kind of sad song, but there is something beautiful & poignant. & i've been listening to it repeatedly over the last few days or so, & so what better lyrics to end one year & begin the next?
& it's true. i've made lots of mistakes. & i have been afraid, of SO fucking many things, it's semi pathetic when i think back. BUT here's the pay off gang: my past doesn't predict my future. & i'm not afraid anymore. isn't that grand?
& i know that i'm loved. i'm cherished. that there are at least four people on earth who would literally give their lives for mine because they love me that much. & ya know what, that is a pretty fucking cool place to be.
it can be hard in those super dark times to always remember that kind of love is there. but, i'm very fortunate in that i have family that loves me deeply. but even more fortunate that i have friends that feel the same way. i take it for granted that everyone has that kind of love & support in their lives. & i'm trying very hard not to take it for granted anymore.
so i've made my mistakes. & i'll make more. because that's the way this game is played. it's how you learn the rules & how you get better. but i'm not afraid anymore. & that's the best part.
so happy new year everyone. stay safe. be as good (or as bad) as you want.
much affection, beckah
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