on the fa(s)t train

so right now looks like i'm on the fa(s)t train to surgery. i had my meeting monday morning with the nutritionist, christine. i brought my information on my multivitamin, we went over my questionnaire that i handed in at the information session, & went through some other standard questions that she had to ask of me at our first meeting. & i was brutally honest with all of it.

she was really happy with what i have been doing & said that i was an ideal canidate for surgery. she also said that she hadn't met anyone for quite some time that she thought was as ready & as perfect a canidate as yours truly. she also said that because of my insurance i would need to meet with her for a minimum of three times & she apologized for that. when i told her i didn't mind & that it would give me time to get mentally ready for the surgery that seemed to impress her even more. i even told her, it took me years to get this big, i know that it will take time to change that.

so i'm having to meet with her a total of three times, with a month, or more, in between each session. she said that i may be having surgery as early as january. & that my next steps are to get my personality evaluated & my head shrunk. which, of course, she didn't say it in quite those terms. but i do need to take the mmpi (minnesota multiphasal personality invintory) & then see a psychologist after that. i also may need to see their on-site internal medicine doctor, i think that i need to do that anyway for my insurance. so january would be nice, but if it's later that's fine too.

christine basically told me to just keep doing what i have been doing. i have all of the big changes already done that they want people to do before they get gastric bypass surgery: no snacks- just 3 meals/day, no calorie beverages (more than 10 calories/8oz=calorie beverage), & exercising regularly. she did say she understands with my back being all broken & messed up that i haven't been working out as rigorously, but i have been trying to do more walking in smaller chunks to make up for it.

for my next meeting with her i'll have my daily sheets that i've started keeping. i track my exercise, water, vitamins, meals, daily steps & comments on the day. i'm also keeping track of my weights, starting this friday. & it's all in a nice little white three ring binder which is so handy for travel.

in addition to josh & marty, i learned that my sister's roomie & good friend crystal recently had the GB just at the beginning of october. i wish her well with the results & a quick recovery. i mentioned to rach & tina that i was thinking about doing this & they're supportive of what ever i decide to do. as are the fabulous miss jenn (already of blog-fame) & the blonde miss jen (who also works with me & miss jenn). so far all of my peers are very positive in whatever i choose to do. unfortunately, my parents are going to be tougher to get on board.

i broached the subject last night with my mom & she was adamant that i not even think about getting the GB. she said that i shouldn't do anything as drastic as permanently alter my body just to lose weight. & i understand that i'm her baby still & that she worries about me & doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. but i'm also going to be going to hcmc, which is one of the best places in this region. my insurance also has "centers for excellence" which are the hospitals/centers that they have certified to be the best & this is on their list. i feel very comfortable & confident with the medical staff that i've met there thus far. my mom even suggested that i try either a hypnotist or an accupuncturist to help me lose weight. yeah. my mom who thinks that wiccans will go to hell 'cause they're devil worshippers is suggesting alternative medicine to me as a way to lose weight. she even suggested a chiropractor, which she loathes the entire profession due to personal issues.

uh, yeah, it's not going to be pretty. & i haven't come to this decision lightly either folks. i have tried. for years. & years. i have tried everything from south beach to weight watchers to manic exercising. i have met with dieticians & doctors. i've auditioned for the biggest loser. i am light years from where i was at 19 when i drank 4-6 cans of regular or cherry coke a day. i barely drink soda & if i do it's diet. i used to hate working out with a seething white hot passion. & now i love it & i'm super upset that i'm being benched again due to my back. i hated water & refused to drink it until i was around 23 or so, now if i don't get my 64+ oz a day i feel like somethings missing. those are three huge things right there. & i still seem to be stuck. i know that i can't do this on my own. i know that i need some kind of help in order to get to my goal.

& while it would be lovely to be a svelte size 2 & incredibly gorgeous, i have no such lofty ideals in my head. i want to be healthy. i want to be able to RUN again. i haven't really ran since i was in first grade. i want to go sky diving. horse back riding. snow boarding. mountain biking. bungee jumping. i want to be able to do it all without being winded. i want to go to a doctor's office & not have to sit on the bench or stand because the chair arms will cut into my thighs. i don't want to have to analyze the tables at a restaurant so i can pick the "big" side so that it's not cutting into my stomach. i want to have energy to do all of the crazy travel that i possibly can. i want to ride a roller coaster again. to go shopping & not have to be limited to lame giant or the other fat chick stores. i mean, yea for fat girl stores 'cause they weren't around when i was in high school, i had to order my clothes through the mail & hope that they fit. but i want to be able to go shopping at any store that i please. i want to spend a day walking the streets of paris & not worry that my feet & knees will ached & i'll be miserable for a week because there's too much weight on them. instead of sitting on the sidelines & watching my life i want to be out there actually living it.