moving on up, from the eastside

ok, so not exactly the theme song to the jefferson's, but i already live on the east side & i'm trying to fly far far away.

so yet another little spat with my mom this past sunday, which then turned into me fighting with jack because i was: a) upset about my mom's insistence with little barbs about me not getting married in a church b) hurt that she seems to want to ruin my wedding, which then led to me: a)getting hurt because jack wasn't more perturbed on my behalf b) picking a fight with jack & bringing up every little tiny thing he has ever done which irks me & then resulted in me curling up in a ball & sobbing miserably on my bed.

i hate this vicious cycle.

& so i've decided to stop it. dead in its tracks. & while i love my parents, i really can no longer live with them if i want to be able to talk with them, ever, in the next five years. believe it or not i get along very well with my dad. i rarely to never argue with him about anything. but i'm routinely upset with my mom & often fight with my brother. & i am so sick & tired of the whole thing i could just simply vomit.

of course, there's also the fact that my mom seems to take a bizarre pleasure in undermining my attempts to lose weight. seriously gang, why must a diabetic keep that much candy, cookies, & sugar in the house? do we really HAVE to always have at least one gallon of ice cream in our freezer? i would like to think that it isn't a necessity & we really shouldn't have that crud around, but i seem to be the only one willing to quit it all cold turkey.

while in the midst of fighting with jack & crying i did text miss jenn & tell her that i planned on running away from home. which, really did seem like a viable option at that point. i was ready to pack as much as i could into my saturn & run. & somehow i decided i had to move out of my parents house. as soon as humanly possible. i even decided that if i couldn't find a place that i could afford that would let me have my beloved puppy, that i would have to give him back to the shelter. that was the hardest part is realizing that i may have to give him up. & then i asked jenn if she would help me find a place.

not long after that she texted me some info on a place in plymouth, decently close to my work, that said they love large dogs. i went out there yesterday and took a look around the place. they had a nice indoor pool, but the rent was just a bit more than i was willing to pay, none of the utilities were included, & the space seemed pretty small. so the hunt goes on.

i have an appointment tomorrow morning for another place in plymouth, then an appointment friday night for a place in brooklyn park, so we'll see how things go. i'm hoping to have a new place by november 1st, but by christmas day at the absolute latest. me & puppy need a new living situation. one where i have my own space, where i'm in charge, some place of MINE.

& of course there's the added benefit that i won't be seeing my mom nearly as much which means i won't be fighting with her nearly as much. i'll probably stop by there once every two weeks or so, visit them on the weekend that i work at the group home.

i know i know i know. i'm sure lots of you out there are saying that "seriously, you're twenty freakin nine years old, bout time ya left the nest." which i do whole heartedly agree with. & i did have an apartment for a while with my sis. however, i wasn't working enough hours to keep it on my own & i didn't really want a random roommate, so i had to give it up & move back in with my parents. but i just recently figured out what i was paying them per month to live there, which is way too much money to live in their basement & share a single bathroom.

wish me luck, please, that i find a place that i can afford & still keep my puppy. i really don't want to give walkie back to the nice people at st. francis. they're great people, a no kill shelter, but i don't want to give my puppy up, we kind of need each other.