just call me titanic

as in: full steam ahead. NOT as in the largest vessel on the water. ok, so maybe don't call me titanic, i might cry or something.

but i went to the informational meeting last night at HCMC with josh for bariatric surgery. & i learned a lot. one thing i learned is that even if i do have gastric bypass i can still have my little demon spawn, i would just need to wait two or more years to have them. which, to be honest, would be how long i would be waiting anyway just due to some goals that i have for myself, my life, & where i want to be. so that was the best news that i received.

another thing i learned is that if i go through with this, that i would be going for the full on gastric bypass, not the lap band. my reasoning? they mentioned that occasionally the band will "wear away/eat away" at the stomach wall. & i had fearful images of something gnawing at my insides with tiny malicious plastic teeth.

now i'll admit, i've not been a fan of gastric bypass for a lot of people. i do feel like there are people who think that gastric bypass is an easy way out. what i would also like to note is that it really is not at all an easy way out. there is a lot of mental work that needs to go into it. hoop jumping & the like. also, from what i gathered from the class, you have to completely retrain yourself in the way that you eat.

one of the big rules is NO calorie beverages, which includes milk. it's a very interesting reason actually. i learned a whole lot about biology & why the stomach works the way that it does. so the "sensor" if you will that let's a person know when they're full is near the top of the stomach where the esophagus feeds in, & there's a sort of hatch door at the bottom of the stomach to hold all of that in while the stomach does the voodoo that it does do so well. which is why, some people can actually trick their bodies into feeling full from drinking water, they flip that sensor. now, post gastric bypass that little sensor does you no good because the stomach is basically a little pocket the size of your thumb with a bit of intestines attached & going right down, no flap, no trap door, so milk or other calorie liquids can pass go & collect their $200 without making you feel the least bit satisfied.

they also say that you need to wait 45 minutes after eating in order to drink anything, otherwise the fluid will wash whatever food is in the little pouch right on down to the intestines, which, from what i've heard, can be a semi painful sensation. yeah, i know, not the most appetizing of pictures at this point in time.

so i've got an appointment set up with a nutritionist. for my insurance to pay for any of this i will have to jump through several hoops successfully, one of which being a three month intensive program incorporating a nutritionist, psychologist, & a physician supervised exercise program. i know i'm mentally sound for this, & i've been doing pretty well on both nutrition & exercise, if you don't count my slip ups as of late. but i have been trying. so, only room for improvement, right?

& the most important thing to keep in mind in ALL of this, is that even right up until the actual time of the surgery i can always say, thanks, but no thanks folks, & back right out of it. so i definitely have some time to do some soul searching, see if i can do this on my own & really do it for the rest of my life, or if i need some serious help in order to get to where i want to be.