week before last, thursday to be exact, jenn & i had hit the Y to try to get back into the tuesday/thursday girl swing of things. which basically means actually going to the gym four or more days a week, eating healthy, & lifting weights. ya know, the TTG* way of life. our gym return was less than triumphant. we did some upper body stuff, some time on the ellipticals & then we were done. so over the Y for the night. this was post the mean boys at the gym, but we were still trying.
i was getting ready to drive jenn home & offered her some crack, er, mcdonald's ice cream. we have developed this VERY bad habbit of going to mcdonald's for one of their ice cream cones. per jenn they are about 150 calories per cone if made according to the corporate specifications. & now it's almost kind of like pavlov's dogs: i leave the Y & i want a mcdonald's ice cream. i can even tell you how much two cones cost, with tax, at the plymouth mickey d's. $2.13.
but me & my crack, er, cone habit, are not the point of the story. the point is the absurd things that happen when i'm allowed to go out in public. so jenn wanted to get a salad when we went to mcdonald's because she didn't have anything to eat at home, er, nothing that was semi healthy. which, depending on the dressing one chooses, the mcdonald's salads are not terribly bad for human consumption.
so we roll through the drive through & order two ice cream cones & a salad, their new south western salad or whatever it's called. so we get to the drive through window, & we're in my saturn so we're riding pretty low to the ground. the guy hands us jenn's salad, then the two cones & goes away. jenn checks the salad & they gave her whatever the dressing is that matches up with that salad, & it had about a billion calories in the package. & she wanted a low fat dressing. so she & i both turn to our left & stare up into the drive through window. & we sit. & we stare. finally the guy turns around, looks startled, & then comes over to the window.
"uh, can i help you?" the mcdonald's dude asked.
"yeah, do you have any light or low fat dressing?" i asked while taking a lick of my ice cream cone.
"yeah we have a balsamic vinaigrette and, uh, yeah, that's it," obviously confused & disjointed.
"can we have the vinaigrette?" i flashed my dimples.
"one minute." he disappeared momentarily, the drive through window snapping shut.
as soon as his back was turned and the window shut, jenn pipes up, "yes, yes i did just order ice cream & i'm asking for light dressing with my salad."
if my life were a movie jenn would have actually said her comment to the drive through dude, as it was, she just said it to me, but it was still pretty hilarious none the less.
*tuesday/thursday girl AKA TTG is my own creation, don't swipe it or i'll beat you severely with wet spaghetti noodles. & trust me, if anyone knows how to inflict pain with pasta it's a fat girl
Showing posts with label fat girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fat girls. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
cause of death: philanthropy
this is a few days late, but to be honest, i haven't really had the energy to even attempt a blog until today. on sunday jenn & i walked eight miles to raise money for the march of dimes, an organization that does research to find the causes of premature birth & assist parents of preemies. & with both tina & sinead "in the family way" it seemed like a pretty dang good cause. walking for babies & all that jazz.
now, as naive as this may sound, when i set off on this great adventure i kind of had no clue exactly how long eight miles would really be. yes, you may hum eminem if you must. i knew intellectually, but i didn't really take into account how that distance would feel to my body. i've been working out pretty hard with jenn & then training with riley. not necessarily recently, but semi recently. & i am so much stronger now than i was even back in december. & i do have more endurance & stamina. but, not so much for a long distance walk.
i will give a piece of free advice to anyone out there planning to do a charity walk of any kind: in your preparation, actually walk. i know it may seem kind of obvious & silly, but yours truly sorta forgot this little detail. & my advice would be walk for your training. yeah, i know that is something that you would THINK is obvious, but for some reason it never really blipped across my radar. i was hitting the weight training hard with riley, pushing myself with that. doing interval training on the elliptical & the gazelle-ish machine, but no walks. i mean, not like i dragged myself everywhere, of course i did the normal day to day walking, but no increase in my walking. & while being able to leg press 240lbs is a great accomplishment, that doesn't help in a long walk as much as you would think.
yeah.
the way the walk was set up we went half way around lake of the isles, & that's where the two paths diverged. jenn-jenn & i could've continued going around lake of the isles for the five mile walk (which is a pretty healthy distance) or veer off to the right, down a path under a bridge & go around lake calhoun & then finish going around lake of the isles which was the eight mile path (also known as jesus-bobby-i-want-to-die) by the time we got to the fork in the road, so to speak, i was one hurting unit. like i said previously, i really wasn't in shape for this. (ya, i know round is a shape, but i wasn't able to roll around the lakes.)
my back had started hurting within about ten minutes of the walk due to the three liters of water in my camel back along with the snacks that i packed (cause a fat girl can't take a walk without food, duh. jesus bobby) & then there were the hills. omg. i did NOT sign up for hills. at least, i don't think i did. & so in addition to the pain in my back my shins were killing me also. & i was sweating like a pig. & i had lost my sunglasses clips & didn't have any contacts, so i was doing all this in the bright sun with no protective eye wear. the only thing i did have going for me is that my pale self was covered in a nice think lacquer of spf 60+, basically the strongest sunscreen i could find.
while i'm sure she was hurting too, jenn didn't really say much about hurting or being in pain. &, to brag just a tad, even though i was in pain, i didn't bitch much at all. & when jenn looked at me & asked if i was sure if i was ok i told her that "yup, i'll be fine." i knew that complaining wouldn't help me one bit. even if i wanted to whine like a three year old.
so when we got to the point where we had to make a decision between short loop (5mile) & long loop (8mile) jenn left the decision up to me. & i really with all my heart & aching back wanted to slide in with the main pack & finish off the five mile. but then again i had promised the people who sponsored me, my friends, riley, & most of all myself, that i would do the eight mile course. so i pondered this rather quickly while using the porta-potty at the park. i weighed the pros & cons while trying to balance & not touch anything at all in the portable outhouse . it's rather difficult while trying to think & not fall flat on my face or breathe in too deeply. but i did it & came to the conclusion that while everyone else, even miss jenn, would understand if i slunk out of the plastic bathroom & just went around lake of the isles, i would be disappointed in myself if i didn't finish the whole eight mile trek.
& we carried on.
i won't pretend that this is any kind of hollywood ending. i didn't catch a second wind & wind up jogging my way back to the starting camp with a huge smile on my face. i dragged my feet. by the end i was actually literally dragging my feet, shuffling along the sidewalk because i had lost most of the feeling in my legs, which was good because i wasn't able to feel the blisters forming on my feet. i was severely tempted at one point to call for help. the conversation went something like this:
"i want to call an ambulance!"
"no, you're not calling an ambulance, keep walking," jenn said over her shoulder, about ten feet in front of me.
we then heard a siren & my ears perked up like a cat hearing a can of tasty feast open.
"no, that's not your ambulance, keep walking."
right after that the bus pulled up. no, not an ambulance, but a real actual school bus. they had a shuttle service to drive people back who couldn't finish the walk. they saw jenn & i & pulled over asking if we wanted a ride.
once again i had an inner dilemma, sorta like the porta-potty soul searching except i wasn't bare-assed & trying to pretend i was somewhere else. the driver opened the door & asked jenn & i if we wanted a ride. & jenn didn't say anything, she just looked at me leaving me, once again, to decide. & while i really wanted to drag myself up those steps & flop onto the sticky-hot vinyl seat for the bumpy ride back, i found myself saying "no thank you, we'll walk."
i think i was delirious from pain. & we did actually finish the walk. all on our own. both standing up right. i wasn't walking well when i got home sunday night after the walk. & have only regained the ability to walk somewhat normally as of wednesday afternoon, but it was worth it. i am proud of what i accomplished.
& it was fun too. jenn cracks me up. & besides that, walking around lake calhoun is a great way to people watch! & it's not true: they do come out during the day *grins*
the two best lines of the day were also both provided by miss jenn toward the end of our walk:
(as we're nearing the starting area) i wonder if they have a beer garden?
(sitting in my car post walk eating lunch) it must have been hard to be jesus {pause}cause he walked a lot. . . .think any body gave him a sandwich after?
now, as naive as this may sound, when i set off on this great adventure i kind of had no clue exactly how long eight miles would really be. yes, you may hum eminem if you must. i knew intellectually, but i didn't really take into account how that distance would feel to my body. i've been working out pretty hard with jenn & then training with riley. not necessarily recently, but semi recently. & i am so much stronger now than i was even back in december. & i do have more endurance & stamina. but, not so much for a long distance walk.
i will give a piece of free advice to anyone out there planning to do a charity walk of any kind: in your preparation, actually walk. i know it may seem kind of obvious & silly, but yours truly sorta forgot this little detail. & my advice would be walk for your training. yeah, i know that is something that you would THINK is obvious, but for some reason it never really blipped across my radar. i was hitting the weight training hard with riley, pushing myself with that. doing interval training on the elliptical & the gazelle-ish machine, but no walks. i mean, not like i dragged myself everywhere, of course i did the normal day to day walking, but no increase in my walking. & while being able to leg press 240lbs is a great accomplishment, that doesn't help in a long walk as much as you would think.
yeah.
the way the walk was set up we went half way around lake of the isles, & that's where the two paths diverged. jenn-jenn & i could've continued going around lake of the isles for the five mile walk (which is a pretty healthy distance) or veer off to the right, down a path under a bridge & go around lake calhoun & then finish going around lake of the isles which was the eight mile path (also known as jesus-bobby-i-want-to-die) by the time we got to the fork in the road, so to speak, i was one hurting unit. like i said previously, i really wasn't in shape for this. (ya, i know round is a shape, but i wasn't able to roll around the lakes.)
my back had started hurting within about ten minutes of the walk due to the three liters of water in my camel back along with the snacks that i packed (cause a fat girl can't take a walk without food, duh. jesus bobby) & then there were the hills. omg. i did NOT sign up for hills. at least, i don't think i did. & so in addition to the pain in my back my shins were killing me also. & i was sweating like a pig. & i had lost my sunglasses clips & didn't have any contacts, so i was doing all this in the bright sun with no protective eye wear. the only thing i did have going for me is that my pale self was covered in a nice think lacquer of spf 60+, basically the strongest sunscreen i could find.
while i'm sure she was hurting too, jenn didn't really say much about hurting or being in pain. &, to brag just a tad, even though i was in pain, i didn't bitch much at all. & when jenn looked at me & asked if i was sure if i was ok i told her that "yup, i'll be fine." i knew that complaining wouldn't help me one bit. even if i wanted to whine like a three year old.
so when we got to the point where we had to make a decision between short loop (5mile) & long loop (8mile) jenn left the decision up to me. & i really with all my heart & aching back wanted to slide in with the main pack & finish off the five mile. but then again i had promised the people who sponsored me, my friends, riley, & most of all myself, that i would do the eight mile course. so i pondered this rather quickly while using the porta-potty at the park. i weighed the pros & cons while trying to balance & not touch anything at all in the portable outhouse . it's rather difficult while trying to think & not fall flat on my face or breathe in too deeply. but i did it & came to the conclusion that while everyone else, even miss jenn, would understand if i slunk out of the plastic bathroom & just went around lake of the isles, i would be disappointed in myself if i didn't finish the whole eight mile trek.
& we carried on.
i won't pretend that this is any kind of hollywood ending. i didn't catch a second wind & wind up jogging my way back to the starting camp with a huge smile on my face. i dragged my feet. by the end i was actually literally dragging my feet, shuffling along the sidewalk because i had lost most of the feeling in my legs, which was good because i wasn't able to feel the blisters forming on my feet. i was severely tempted at one point to call for help. the conversation went something like this:
"i want to call an ambulance!"
"no, you're not calling an ambulance, keep walking," jenn said over her shoulder, about ten feet in front of me.
we then heard a siren & my ears perked up like a cat hearing a can of tasty feast open.
"no, that's not your ambulance, keep walking."
right after that the bus pulled up. no, not an ambulance, but a real actual school bus. they had a shuttle service to drive people back who couldn't finish the walk. they saw jenn & i & pulled over asking if we wanted a ride.
once again i had an inner dilemma, sorta like the porta-potty soul searching except i wasn't bare-assed & trying to pretend i was somewhere else. the driver opened the door & asked jenn & i if we wanted a ride. & jenn didn't say anything, she just looked at me leaving me, once again, to decide. & while i really wanted to drag myself up those steps & flop onto the sticky-hot vinyl seat for the bumpy ride back, i found myself saying "no thank you, we'll walk."
i think i was delirious from pain. & we did actually finish the walk. all on our own. both standing up right. i wasn't walking well when i got home sunday night after the walk. & have only regained the ability to walk somewhat normally as of wednesday afternoon, but it was worth it. i am proud of what i accomplished.
& it was fun too. jenn cracks me up. & besides that, walking around lake calhoun is a great way to people watch! & it's not true: they do come out during the day *grins*
the two best lines of the day were also both provided by miss jenn toward the end of our walk:
(as we're nearing the starting area) i wonder if they have a beer garden?
(sitting in my car post walk eating lunch) it must have been hard to be jesus {pause}
Thursday, February 08, 2007
have you ever been in a fat girl? would you like to be?
it's official. jenn & i shouldn't go anywhere together. we're like a walking comedy show. last night we went to the gym, which i totally didn't want to go, but did anyway so that i can get my credit for my at-least-eight-times-per-month for my membership discount. & yeah, i know i'm in this competition, trying to avoid the slicey-dicey & all that jazz. but i was throwing a major three year old tantrum complete with floor kicking. & cramps. & then when we were there jenn told me that we were going to spend an hour on the ellipticals.
jesus bobby! & yesterday my abs & upper body were screaming from the torture of my tuesday workout. so i was one hurting unit, to quote my father. but i hung up my coat & slunk into the gym anyway & hopped myself onto my favorite elliptical to do some interval training. i think i mentioned this before, but riley has jenn & i doing interval cardio, so for two minutes we'll go along easy as pie & then push as hard & fast as we can for two minutes, then back to the pie. ((mmmm....pie....)) which, this whole thing is a lot harder than it sounds. i challenge you to do 30minutes on a treadmill, elliptical, or exercise bike however you normally would. then the next day, go back & do the interval. it will ki-ck your ass, in a good way.
i had my time set for an hour because, well jesus bobby, miss jenn said we were doing an hour, & it's just not acceptable to sit in the middle of the Y & read the subtitles on medium without actually doing any kind of sweating or exertion. & for some reason the interval training was just killing me yesterday. my lungs were on fire. i could feel that my face was hot, most likely fire engine red, & i was literally dripping sweat. i kept wiping my face with my scratchy Y towel. at about twenty minutes in, i reached up to wipe my forehead again, this time without said towel, & something didn't feel quite right. & that's when i realized i never took off my winter hat. over my bandana i was wearing my cute turquoise stocking cap with the white snowflake embroidered on it.
& i'm not entirely sure, but pretty close to sure, that i made a very weird face when i made this realization because jenn happened to look at me just as i realized i'd been killing myself on the elliptical for almost 20 minutes & i wouldn't've been so freakin hot if i would've taken off my hat. nice, eh? & jenn started laughing uncontrollably from whatever the odd expression it was on my face when i realized i'd been working out with a hat on for twenty minutes, she actually had to take a personal moment, pause & collect her thoughts to keep her from falling off the elliptical. oy, that's all i need is to be responsible for her untimely death at the Y due to a fall from cardio equipment.
we each only lasted 30 minutes of interval training on the elliptical, so then we decided we wanted to get in a full hour. i decided to do the exercise bike because, well, i got to sit on my ass, where as the treadmill would have meant doing interval training i would have to do something far too close to running for my personal comfort. eventually my bad self will run because, well, it's on my list of 1001 things, but wednesday was not the day.
while i happily intervaled my way along on the bike listening to augustana & dividing my attention between the twins game & the cnn coverage of the "astronaut love triangle" jenn was behind me nearly dying on the cardio equipment. too bad exercise bikes don't have rear view mirrors, i may have been able to see what was going on, even though i wouldn't've been privy to her inner monologue. which, as it turns out, was pretty damn funny.
now i wasn't going to do interval training on the treadmill because of the afore mentioned running that would have to take place. jenn on the other hand, not only felt up to the challenge, but faced it head on with a heart of moxie. she told me that after her two minutes, she upped the speed & started her running, & she managed to run about 1/10 of a mile before she decreases the speed & went into her "resting" phase. & while she was doing her resting she imagined telling riley the next day how she did. & some how in the midst of her day dream she was trying to convey how difficult it can be for a fat girl to run. except. she phrased the question, to her inner imaginary riley, as: have you ever been in a fat girl? which was completely & totally innocent at the inception of the question. & then turned dirty with a quick flick of the tongue to, would you like to be?
oh stop.
all she had meant was, had he ever been a fat girl. er, had he ever been fat? er, out of shape? um, had he ever put on the gwenneth paltrow fat girl suit? in any case, it was a conversation that never wound up occurring, because, well, he just may take that the wrong way. the whole would you like to be in a fat girl, yeah, wee bit inappropriate. & we want to do some more training with him before he realizes how inappropriate we can be at times. & by then he'll love us both for the fan-ta-bulous people we are that he won't want to lose us as clients so he'll put up with, & encourage, our inappropriate behavior.
jesus bobby! & yesterday my abs & upper body were screaming from the torture of my tuesday workout. so i was one hurting unit, to quote my father. but i hung up my coat & slunk into the gym anyway & hopped myself onto my favorite elliptical to do some interval training. i think i mentioned this before, but riley has jenn & i doing interval cardio, so for two minutes we'll go along easy as pie & then push as hard & fast as we can for two minutes, then back to the pie. ((mmmm....pie....)) which, this whole thing is a lot harder than it sounds. i challenge you to do 30minutes on a treadmill, elliptical, or exercise bike however you normally would. then the next day, go back & do the interval. it will ki-ck your ass, in a good way.
i had my time set for an hour because, well jesus bobby, miss jenn said we were doing an hour, & it's just not acceptable to sit in the middle of the Y & read the subtitles on medium without actually doing any kind of sweating or exertion. & for some reason the interval training was just killing me yesterday. my lungs were on fire. i could feel that my face was hot, most likely fire engine red, & i was literally dripping sweat. i kept wiping my face with my scratchy Y towel. at about twenty minutes in, i reached up to wipe my forehead again, this time without said towel, & something didn't feel quite right. & that's when i realized i never took off my winter hat. over my bandana i was wearing my cute turquoise stocking cap with the white snowflake embroidered on it.
& i'm not entirely sure, but pretty close to sure, that i made a very weird face when i made this realization because jenn happened to look at me just as i realized i'd been killing myself on the elliptical for almost 20 minutes & i wouldn't've been so freakin hot if i would've taken off my hat. nice, eh? & jenn started laughing uncontrollably from whatever the odd expression it was on my face when i realized i'd been working out with a hat on for twenty minutes, she actually had to take a personal moment, pause & collect her thoughts to keep her from falling off the elliptical. oy, that's all i need is to be responsible for her untimely death at the Y due to a fall from cardio equipment.
we each only lasted 30 minutes of interval training on the elliptical, so then we decided we wanted to get in a full hour. i decided to do the exercise bike because, well, i got to sit on my ass, where as the treadmill would have meant doing interval training i would have to do something far too close to running for my personal comfort. eventually my bad self will run because, well, it's on my list of 1001 things, but wednesday was not the day.
while i happily intervaled my way along on the bike listening to augustana & dividing my attention between the twins game & the cnn coverage of the "astronaut love triangle" jenn was behind me nearly dying on the cardio equipment. too bad exercise bikes don't have rear view mirrors, i may have been able to see what was going on, even though i wouldn't've been privy to her inner monologue. which, as it turns out, was pretty damn funny.
now i wasn't going to do interval training on the treadmill because of the afore mentioned running that would have to take place. jenn on the other hand, not only felt up to the challenge, but faced it head on with a heart of moxie. she told me that after her two minutes, she upped the speed & started her running, & she managed to run about 1/10 of a mile before she decreases the speed & went into her "resting" phase. & while she was doing her resting she imagined telling riley the next day how she did. & some how in the midst of her day dream she was trying to convey how difficult it can be for a fat girl to run. except. she phrased the question, to her inner imaginary riley, as: have you ever been in a fat girl? which was completely & totally innocent at the inception of the question. & then turned dirty with a quick flick of the tongue to, would you like to be?
oh stop.
all she had meant was, had he ever been a fat girl. er, had he ever been fat? er, out of shape? um, had he ever put on the gwenneth paltrow fat girl suit? in any case, it was a conversation that never wound up occurring, because, well, he just may take that the wrong way. the whole would you like to be in a fat girl, yeah, wee bit inappropriate. & we want to do some more training with him before he realizes how inappropriate we can be at times. & by then he'll love us both for the fan-ta-bulous people we are that he won't want to lose us as clients so he'll put up with, & encourage, our inappropriate behavior.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
you look like you're losing weight, or so they say
& that's what people have been telling me, a lot, here at work. but in a way i don't know that i believe it. ok, yeah, so in the last two weeks i did lose ten pounds, but before i did that people were saying i looked like i was losing weight. while i was pigging out on a regular basis, drinking on the weekends, & forgot my way to the gym even though i have to walk right by it on my way into work every day.
& in a way it's really discouraging, makes me feel like an imposter, & all these other oddly complex feelings of guilt & shame. & sometimes i wonder, are people just being nice because they know that i'm going to the gym (semi) regularly? & they see me sucking down the gallons of water. & choking down lean cuisines everyday. is it that they want to encourage me to keep trying to make myself healthier eventhough it doesn't appear to be working?
it's very odd, but when people start to notice my weight loss & congratulate me on it i start to feel super self conscious. & then i feel like if i don't continue to lose weight that some how i'm disappointing them because they took the time to notice the changes in me. & then slowly the sweets creep back in, & the fast food, & the other foods that are detrimental to my health & well being.
sometimes i wonder if all fat people are great self sabatogers. i really think that if there was an olympics for self destructive, self deprecating, self sabotaging behavior that i would most definitely be a medal contender. not like i WANT to be that person that does those hurtful things to myself, but i really feel sometimes like i can't help it.
being fat is emotionally complex, like taking an afternoon stroll through a mine field. when i'm out in public people, all the way from small children to adults, think it's perfectly ok to stare at me. it's ok to make loud comments around me about "that fat chick." it's ok to scruntinize what i'm eating. what i'm wearing. just because i'm fat. & i'm made to feel like i'm less because of my size. like i'm not as worthy of the good things in life. i don't deserve cute clothes. i should be uncomfortable in: movie theater seats, restaurant booths, airplane. that's the punishment due to me because i'm fat.
& it really pisses me off. i mean, it's not kosher for me to go up to the white trash mom in the mall & tell her to make her fucking brat shut the fuck up 'cause the kid is annoying as all hell. it's not ok for me to go up to the skinny bitch in the tube top & too low too tight jeans & tell her she looks like she should be working university & getting five bucks a blow. it's not ok for me to go up to the overly built guy wearing the sleeveless shirt in january & tell him to lay off the 'roids before his boys shrivel to raisins. & YET all these people, & more, find it socially acceptable to comment on my fat butt wearing the apple bottoms. eventhough my clothes actually fit, i'm not being rude or obnoxious, & i'm not asking any of them for a goddamn thing.
to all my fat brethren out there: i request a call to arms. let's not sit back anymore & take it. next time i hear someone commenting about me i will speak up. i will get in their face. & i will make it personal. the problem is, the masses think it's ok, that fat people don't deserve to be treated with respect & dignity. i say we reclaim our dignity, demand respect.
& in a way it's really discouraging, makes me feel like an imposter, & all these other oddly complex feelings of guilt & shame. & sometimes i wonder, are people just being nice because they know that i'm going to the gym (semi) regularly? & they see me sucking down the gallons of water. & choking down lean cuisines everyday. is it that they want to encourage me to keep trying to make myself healthier eventhough it doesn't appear to be working?
it's very odd, but when people start to notice my weight loss & congratulate me on it i start to feel super self conscious. & then i feel like if i don't continue to lose weight that some how i'm disappointing them because they took the time to notice the changes in me. & then slowly the sweets creep back in, & the fast food, & the other foods that are detrimental to my health & well being.
sometimes i wonder if all fat people are great self sabatogers. i really think that if there was an olympics for self destructive, self deprecating, self sabotaging behavior that i would most definitely be a medal contender. not like i WANT to be that person that does those hurtful things to myself, but i really feel sometimes like i can't help it.
being fat is emotionally complex, like taking an afternoon stroll through a mine field. when i'm out in public people, all the way from small children to adults, think it's perfectly ok to stare at me. it's ok to make loud comments around me about "that fat chick." it's ok to scruntinize what i'm eating. what i'm wearing. just because i'm fat. & i'm made to feel like i'm less because of my size. like i'm not as worthy of the good things in life. i don't deserve cute clothes. i should be uncomfortable in: movie theater seats, restaurant booths, airplane. that's the punishment due to me because i'm fat.
& it really pisses me off. i mean, it's not kosher for me to go up to the white trash mom in the mall & tell her to make her fucking brat shut the fuck up 'cause the kid is annoying as all hell. it's not ok for me to go up to the skinny bitch in the tube top & too low too tight jeans & tell her she looks like she should be working university & getting five bucks a blow. it's not ok for me to go up to the overly built guy wearing the sleeveless shirt in january & tell him to lay off the 'roids before his boys shrivel to raisins. & YET all these people, & more, find it socially acceptable to comment on my fat butt wearing the apple bottoms. eventhough my clothes actually fit, i'm not being rude or obnoxious, & i'm not asking any of them for a goddamn thing.
to all my fat brethren out there: i request a call to arms. let's not sit back anymore & take it. next time i hear someone commenting about me i will speak up. i will get in their face. & i will make it personal. the problem is, the masses think it's ok, that fat people don't deserve to be treated with respect & dignity. i say we reclaim our dignity, demand respect.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
re-frekin-dic-u-lous, seriously
ok, every time i say "wow, that was the low point of my weight loss journey" another one pops up to say "oh no no, i can beat that one, no problem." new birthday year rule number one: quit acknowledging new dips in the road as "the lowest low" of my weight loss journey. it seems to be a very bad thing for me to do to myself.
so the newest pothole in the road is a doozey. any one who's been to the doctor's office has had their blood pressure taken, & so you know that they have two sizes of blood pressure cuffs: normal person & fat person. well i just found out today that there is indeed a third size: really really super fat person. ack! now i've got big upper arms, & it's not from getting ripped & pumping iron. i have jumbo mitendorfs (a term coined by a co-worker based on her maternal families predisposition to flapping upper arms & lovingly given their surname) & i admit that i have big upper arms. but they've always strapped that fat person blood pressure cuff & pumped their merry way into a nice bruise on my upper arm & we've all been just peachy keen with the whole deal.
today at the doctor's office the nurse, who really is a sweet fellow by the way, grabbed the jumbo fat person cuff on the way into the exam room, except i didn't know that was what it was until a few moments later. so the nurse basically asked me which one they used & i gave him this total deer-in-the-headlights-dumbfounded-wtf look, because i was genuinely confounded. so he wrapped the fat person cuff around my right mitendorf, tilted his head, & told me if it was too tight it'd give a false high reading, so we better use the other one. so my blood pressure today was recorded using the ultra super huge fat person blood pressure cuff. which was not a pleasant sensation after stepping on the scale & realizing that my weight had gone up 6lbs in the last month.
wtf. i mean seriously. wtf.
i've been averaging about three days a week of exercise at an hour & a half on each of those days. now admittedly i did have my weekend of horror a couple weeks back with the too much booze & the car accident (not related to each other, if you'll recall). & i had my birthday in there, so i've been indulging my wicked cravings somewhat. but seriously, that's a pound & a half a week, on average, since i saw my doctor in may. the scale is moving at a steady pace in the exact wrong direction.
wah, wah, wah, want some cheese with that whine? i can already hear the comments. & yup, i'm being a bit of a whiney biotch & i acknowledge it. but i have come up with a kind of plan. i think i just need to take short walks on the other days. my puppy is so hyper i swear he's eating espresso beans when i'm not home. so i should take his bouncy little behind on some walks to get rid of all that excess energy. & evidently it's one of the best forms of exercise. although my guess is that billy blanks would heartily, & loudly, disagree with me on that one. also, i realized that this whole getting home at 9-ish & then eating dinner thing just really doesn't work for me. so i'll be spending some extra money & buying ten lean cuisines each week so that i can have lunch & dinner at work & then if i really really want to, i can have a small snack when i walk in the door.
on my way into work i thought no time like the present, so i bought some extra "diet" meals so that i could have lunch & dinner at work today. which means at lunch time, which is about quarter to four, i won't be eating a meal since i'll be doing that when i get here & at my last break. so thanks to jenn, who set the horrible example & kinda dared me. i walked down the stairs & then back up them today on my lunch. so from the fifth floor to the first & then back up. around the third floor, on the way to the fourth, i started experiencing vertigo & i swore that my head was going to spin itself right off my neck ala exorcist & my body would then tumble down the stairs until i hit a concrete wall with a nice loud crunch. i did make it to the top, hyperventalated, & then went on my merry way.
my doctor is also recommending that i move out of my parents house, my advisor for my thesis is recommending that too. when i shared an apartment with my sister i was doing so much better on exercising & losing weight. i was the master of my space & i made sure that i had the room to work out. i also didn't bring any junk food into the house because i didn't want to eat it. so if the chips/cookies/pepsi/ice cream aren't there, they're not getting put in my face. 'cause let's be honest, if i get a craving i'm usually too lazy to go out to the store to pick up the wonderful fatty tasty treats. think my doctor would write a prescription saying that jack & i need to move into our own apartment due to a health condition that's being aggravated by my current living situation? (keep in mind folks, i love my mom dearly dearly dearly, but she's so catholic that it hurts. no boom-boom before the vows, ya know?) i may have to investigate that option. & see if a portion of the rent would be covered by my policy because it's medically necessary.
so the newest pothole in the road is a doozey. any one who's been to the doctor's office has had their blood pressure taken, & so you know that they have two sizes of blood pressure cuffs: normal person & fat person. well i just found out today that there is indeed a third size: really really super fat person. ack! now i've got big upper arms, & it's not from getting ripped & pumping iron. i have jumbo mitendorfs (a term coined by a co-worker based on her maternal families predisposition to flapping upper arms & lovingly given their surname) & i admit that i have big upper arms. but they've always strapped that fat person blood pressure cuff & pumped their merry way into a nice bruise on my upper arm & we've all been just peachy keen with the whole deal.
today at the doctor's office the nurse, who really is a sweet fellow by the way, grabbed the jumbo fat person cuff on the way into the exam room, except i didn't know that was what it was until a few moments later. so the nurse basically asked me which one they used & i gave him this total deer-in-the-headlights-dumbfounded-wtf look, because i was genuinely confounded. so he wrapped the fat person cuff around my right mitendorf, tilted his head, & told me if it was too tight it'd give a false high reading, so we better use the other one. so my blood pressure today was recorded using the ultra super huge fat person blood pressure cuff. which was not a pleasant sensation after stepping on the scale & realizing that my weight had gone up 6lbs in the last month.
wtf. i mean seriously. wtf.
i've been averaging about three days a week of exercise at an hour & a half on each of those days. now admittedly i did have my weekend of horror a couple weeks back with the too much booze & the car accident (not related to each other, if you'll recall). & i had my birthday in there, so i've been indulging my wicked cravings somewhat. but seriously, that's a pound & a half a week, on average, since i saw my doctor in may. the scale is moving at a steady pace in the exact wrong direction.
wah, wah, wah, want some cheese with that whine? i can already hear the comments. & yup, i'm being a bit of a whiney biotch & i acknowledge it. but i have come up with a kind of plan. i think i just need to take short walks on the other days. my puppy is so hyper i swear he's eating espresso beans when i'm not home. so i should take his bouncy little behind on some walks to get rid of all that excess energy. & evidently it's one of the best forms of exercise. although my guess is that billy blanks would heartily, & loudly, disagree with me on that one. also, i realized that this whole getting home at 9-ish & then eating dinner thing just really doesn't work for me. so i'll be spending some extra money & buying ten lean cuisines each week so that i can have lunch & dinner at work & then if i really really want to, i can have a small snack when i walk in the door.
on my way into work i thought no time like the present, so i bought some extra "diet" meals so that i could have lunch & dinner at work today. which means at lunch time, which is about quarter to four, i won't be eating a meal since i'll be doing that when i get here & at my last break. so thanks to jenn, who set the horrible example & kinda dared me. i walked down the stairs & then back up them today on my lunch. so from the fifth floor to the first & then back up. around the third floor, on the way to the fourth, i started experiencing vertigo & i swore that my head was going to spin itself right off my neck ala exorcist & my body would then tumble down the stairs until i hit a concrete wall with a nice loud crunch. i did make it to the top, hyperventalated, & then went on my merry way.
my doctor is also recommending that i move out of my parents house, my advisor for my thesis is recommending that too. when i shared an apartment with my sister i was doing so much better on exercising & losing weight. i was the master of my space & i made sure that i had the room to work out. i also didn't bring any junk food into the house because i didn't want to eat it. so if the chips/cookies/pepsi/ice cream aren't there, they're not getting put in my face. 'cause let's be honest, if i get a craving i'm usually too lazy to go out to the store to pick up the wonderful fatty tasty treats. think my doctor would write a prescription saying that jack & i need to move into our own apartment due to a health condition that's being aggravated by my current living situation? (keep in mind folks, i love my mom dearly dearly dearly, but she's so catholic that it hurts. no boom-boom before the vows, ya know?) i may have to investigate that option. & see if a portion of the rent would be covered by my policy because it's medically necessary.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
'cause i said so
today's my birthday & i almost, almost, stepped on my scale this morning, & then i decided that really wasn't the right way to start off a new year of my life, obsessing about my weight. now granted, i can't continue to out & out ignore it as i have in the past. & that isn't my intention at all. but i really am trying to get my attitude straightened out & getting all depressed on my birthday because my weight is still in the 260's is not the way to do that. especially considering i'm still feeling uber shitty about the whole accident thing & the fact that it is very certain that my insurance rates are going to go up. BLECH.
& the results on my 2 week goals.
N drink 96oz water/day
N make my bed every day
N workout 10 of the next 14 days for at least 60min/day
N write at least 28 poems
N eat out only twice
N say one nice thing about myself each day
N write for an average of 1 hour/day
Y attempt my firm workouts at least once
N take my puppy for 5, or more, walks
N get my hair cut
Y get my 'lock lexxy up 1 level
N no eating after 9pm
N take the stairs at work once (up & down)
Y write ten blogs
not sure great stats, huh? i'm happy that i did get three of the fourteen accomplished. & the answers to all of these are not so cut & dried, it's not like i completely failed. i was doing fabulous on the water until this past weekend when i got sick, i haven't gotten back on track since then. for all of the rest of them i accomplished them somewhat, it's not like i made this list & then completely forgot about it. ok, admittedly, the hair cut is either a yes or no & i just didn't have the time to get into my stylist. & i really didn't want to part with that money right now.
i do recognize that giving myself a long to-do list just doesn't work for me. i need things in smaller bites. i need to make more things a habit before jumping into a bunch of goals. because if i attempt to do too many things at once i'm not going to really accomplish any of them. i am very much a creature of habit, just ask jack. sometimes it drives him absolutely batty, but i do find comfort in my routines & habits.
it's widely accepted that it takes two to three weeks for a behavior to actually become a habit. & if you think about it, that's a whole lot of work, making sure to do something every single day of the week, especially for someone so ADD as myself. & my focus isn't always the best, ask just about anyone who's known me for more than a day. two weeks. that takes us to june 29th, basically the end of the month. starting today i will drink 64-96oz of water every day. i will also work out for a minimum of 3-5days for 30+minutes per day. now i know that i'm capable of more. i know i can drink 96oz of water per day. & i can do an hour & a half, or more, work out on a given day. the trick is to do both of these so often that they're second nature to me.
my 29th year. i gotta make it rock, folks. & i vow that this time next year, when i hit the big 3-0 i will not, under any circumstances, weigh over 200 lbs. ok, if i'm eight months pregnant with triplets or something, then it might be acceptable. but otherwise, nope, nada, it just ain't gonna happen. as god is my witness, as god is my witness, i'll never be fat again.
& the results on my 2 week goals.
N drink 96oz water/day
N make my bed every day
N workout 10 of the next 14 days for at least 60min/day
N write at least 28 poems
N eat out only twice
N say one nice thing about myself each day
N write for an average of 1 hour/day
Y attempt my firm workouts at least once
N take my puppy for 5, or more, walks
N get my hair cut
Y get my 'lock lexxy up 1 level
N no eating after 9pm
N take the stairs at work once (up & down)
Y write ten blogs
not sure great stats, huh? i'm happy that i did get three of the fourteen accomplished. & the answers to all of these are not so cut & dried, it's not like i completely failed. i was doing fabulous on the water until this past weekend when i got sick, i haven't gotten back on track since then. for all of the rest of them i accomplished them somewhat, it's not like i made this list & then completely forgot about it. ok, admittedly, the hair cut is either a yes or no & i just didn't have the time to get into my stylist. & i really didn't want to part with that money right now.
i do recognize that giving myself a long to-do list just doesn't work for me. i need things in smaller bites. i need to make more things a habit before jumping into a bunch of goals. because if i attempt to do too many things at once i'm not going to really accomplish any of them. i am very much a creature of habit, just ask jack. sometimes it drives him absolutely batty, but i do find comfort in my routines & habits.
it's widely accepted that it takes two to three weeks for a behavior to actually become a habit. & if you think about it, that's a whole lot of work, making sure to do something every single day of the week, especially for someone so ADD as myself. & my focus isn't always the best, ask just about anyone who's known me for more than a day. two weeks. that takes us to june 29th, basically the end of the month. starting today i will drink 64-96oz of water every day. i will also work out for a minimum of 3-5days for 30+minutes per day. now i know that i'm capable of more. i know i can drink 96oz of water per day. & i can do an hour & a half, or more, work out on a given day. the trick is to do both of these so often that they're second nature to me.
my 29th year. i gotta make it rock, folks. & i vow that this time next year, when i hit the big 3-0 i will not, under any circumstances, weigh over 200 lbs. ok, if i'm eight months pregnant with triplets or something, then it might be acceptable. but otherwise, nope, nada, it just ain't gonna happen. as god is my witness, as god is my witness, i'll never be fat again.
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