starting over (yet again)

so for probably the millionth time in my life i'm deciding that yes, it is time for me to do something about my life & my health & lose weight.

in the past my efforts have been private & hidden. i've made vows to myself, secret pacts, never really proclaiming it to the world. i may have let in a friend or two to my intentions, but mostly i waited for people to notice the magical transformation that was occurring. which, to be honest, never really occurred.

to my credit i am not at my highest weight, that was back in the early part of this century when i tipped the scales at 323. it was a definite low point in my life when i realized that i out weighed most of the players in the nfl. not a happy thought for a five foot five twenty something year old chick, to realize that she was heavier than professional football players. at that time i also realized that even if i lost half of my body weight i would still be overweight. it was at that point that i first really came to grips with the fact that i was out of control & i needed to change my life.

in april of 2005 i was at my lowest weight of my adult life, to my knowledge, i managed to get down to 229. the only other weight that i remember that was less than that was in eighth grade i weighed 180lbs. around the time i hit 229 i also met my wonderful fiance, jack, & proceeded to abandon my two hours a day of exercise & stopped eating healthy foods & started on a year long binge of fast food, eating out, & in general, bad nutrition. i don't blame anyone. it tends to happen. new relationship, new love, & a few pounds creep back on.

ok, so about forty pounds crept back on. & i swear, it almost feels like i woke up one day with this extra forty glued to my stomach & ass. i'm not naive, & i know that it is because i started eating crap food again & i acted like exercise was a foreign concept that i'd never heard of in my life.

so i'm starting this blog, beckah's blog, to hold myself accountable to others, & myself. i'm not looking for pity. but over the past few weeks i've read several weight loss blogs, some better than others, but most of them had something valuable within them. so i'm going to share my experience & hope that through this process i can help someone other than myself.

so welcome to my blog, i hope you enjoy your stay.